Wednesday, September 28, 2016

#IDonut Care Today


Today has been a doozy of a day.  James had a rough day at school yesterday (he had previously had a nearly perfect day, so the roller coaster is quite unpredictable), and whenever he has a rough day I hate to leave him there any longer than necessary-- for their benefit and his.  We discuss the issue together during the long ride home, and sometimes he is adamant that he was good, other days he confesses his transgressions.  Yesterday he confessed.  I skipped boot camp in order to have a heart-to-heart with him, and hoping that I would be able to sneak in a run before the kiddos had to get into the bath.  Chris was on the phone for 20-30 minutes when I got home, talking work with some associates, so needless to say my plans were pushed to the back burner.  "They're on California time." Yeah, and I'm pretty much always on "About To Lose It Time."

This morning I got up at 5:30 to go for a quick jog.  I wasn't necessarily running quickly, rather I was going out and back for only the short period of time I have before the rush begins.  Today was the last chance to turn in the fundraiser stuff for the kids' school, and I forgot it in the office.  So, I had to run by work on my way to their school, only to realize I forgot my checkbook in my "summer" purse.  I looked for a Bank of America on my way to their school, but didn't see one, so decided an Advance Financial would have to be able to help me.  Unfortunately their system was experiencing a glitch, so I had to go next door to get cash from a gas station, then go back to Advance Financial.  After it was all said and done, I was an hour late to work. 

James's teacher absolutely rocks.  She communicates really well with me, and she is very candid.  When I checked in on his progress today, I saw that he had two points taken away-- one for "Unkind Words," and another for "Lunchroom Behavior."  His teacher took the liberty to explain.

Suffice it to say, it's just one of those days where I have to throw my hands up and lower my care factor.  Sometimes I wonder if the general population of men even have a clue what mothers do.  Yes, Chris is juggling electricians, brick layers, plumbers, and inspectors at the house.  No doubt his plate is full, and even though I might not know all the details, I do have a pretty good picture of what is going on.  But he didn't have to touch the fundraiser (didn't even know it was going on), and I picked out all the outfits for Wacky Week.  I also am on the front lines of discipline when James has a rough day.  Some day the house will be done.  But a mother's work is never done.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Building Christmas

“Big boy fireplace.  :)  Crackling fire, hot chocolate, and Christmas music…”  That was Chris’s caption along with the image he texted above.

“Oh no!  I’m going to miss that fireplace channel.”  That was my mom’s response to the picture.  It’s a Christmas tradition at our house to have the “fireplace channel” on in the background as we wrap Christmas presents.  While we have a beautiful wood burning stove that Chris refinished, we haven’t lit it as much as we would have liked because the kiddos have notoriously been impulsive, and it just seemed like a liability.



“Nope… We will have that playing in the Noni Guest suite…”  Chris replied to my mom.  So, the tradition will live on in the new house!  



I know it’s too early to talk to most people about Christmas (it’s not even officially fall yet!), but I can’t help it.  I love the holidays.  It has nothing to do with gifts.  In fact, I am terrible at picking out gifts for people.  No, really, I am.  Just ask my sister, who unwrapped hermit crabs from me one year.  She lives in Iowa, so needless to say they had a short, cold life.  Or the year I bought Chris protein powder from GNC.  (Hey, he had mentioned that he wanted to start working out again!  I thought I was jump-starting his motivation.)  When my mom and sister saw what I had picked out for him, they promptly sent me to the mall so that my sister could help me pick out something better.  “Something he would actually like,” they said.  It was Christmas Eve, and the mall wasn’t crowded.  My sister and I got a little slap-happy, and the guy in Sunglass Hut watched us for a while, then said, “I like ya’ll’s relationship.”  Of course that made us laugh even harder!  All this to say, my love of the holidays really has nothing to do with gifts, and everything to do with the joy and hope that comes along with the season.  It’s difficult for me to read the Nativity story to my children without crying.  Or to sing “When Christmas Comes to Town” from Polar Express, like I did in the car this morning (my voice totally cracked at the line, “All the dreams of children, what’s lost will all be found”).  To me, it’s the start of everything that is good on this Earth.  It’s where it all began.  That’s not to discount all the events leading up to the birth of Christ, because I know that they carry their own importance, and all events tie into each other.  But the birth of Christ was the arrival of the One True Love on Earth.

Anyway, I’m thankful for the little texts like the ones Chris just sent.  Others might quickly dismiss them, annoyed, flipping back to Instagram or Facebook.  Not me (or apparently my mom!).  They fill me with joy and hope in anticipation of all things to come.  Sometimes just having a text with a hint of these two things that can change the trajectory of my day. 

So, for anyone who is offended that I’ve discussed Christmas in September, I’m not sorry.  I’M NOT SORRY!  Not even remotely.  And I’m not offended that you are offended.  J And if I call you Scrooge or Grinch, consider it a compliment, because there was hope for them, and eventually their cold hearts changed. 

Ho ho ho!

Monday, September 12, 2016

The Struggle Is Real

Despite having worked at the same company for over six years, not a day goes by that I don't feel challenged or learn something new.  Due to this, I feel like I make a lot of errors, and I have to apologize often.  Regardless of how or why things fall through the cracks, with errors come criticism and blame, naturally.  One of the biggest challenges on a daily basis for me is to not let the negativity of others get me down.  Although I work hard to not take things personally, often I do feel affected by tone and/or words, and it makes me feel like I'm about to implode.  I will be the first to admit that I'm sensitive, and I wish I could do a better job of allowing things to roll off me.  Sometimes I wish I simply didn't care so much.  After all, isn't this just a job?

On the other hand, I believe my sensitivity can be an asset where life is concerned.  The reason I'm sensitive is because I care.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  When I stop caring, that's when we really have a problem. 

Understanding my own passion for the things I do in life, and my desire to do good things correctly, I don't find it difficult to see why Chris takes everything with the build so personally.  Part of me wants to say, "It's just a house!"  The bigger part of me hushes that part, saying, "Right now, this is his life." 

I know that is a strange thing to say, because the kids and I are supposed to be his life, right?  Don't get me wrong-- I know he loves us more than anything, and that he'd do anything for us.  But at this point in time, I know he feels like so much rides on how well he can manage this build.  The reason I say this is because of all that has happened to get him to this point.  In a nutshell, because of the loss of Granddad, he gained experience through his own home renovation.  He was laid off when the housing market crashed, then again two weeks before we were married.  He wanted to throw in the towel... but he didn't.  He still worked for those companies, among others, on a freelance basis, and eventually he knew he was truly in a position to have his own gig.  Fast-forward to a little over a year ago, and he asked if he could buy a lot, even though it seemed unlikely.  They said yes.  He wanted to find financing which would allow us to live in our house while he was building the house, and was rejected over and over again.  Finally, a bank said yes.  Each struggle lead to a question or a path to chose, and then came the answers-- one yes lead to another, and eventually launched us into a very intense and stressful experience in our lives, with many delays and setbacks and question marks.  But here we are.  Knowing all that I know about, how far Chris has come, and knowing the grandeur of his dreams, why wouldn't I want to accept that this is his life?  Really, isn't this my life, too?

All this to say, while I might be a more peaceful person if I could be more laid-back, I also might lose a part of myself and my ability to empathize with my husband if my personality was to change in that way.  I think this is yet another example of a yes in our lives.  God put Chris and me together, not because we are so alike and we have such similar personalities (we don't!), but because we understand one another.  We don't always agree, heaven knows, but we do try to find a way to see from one another's perspective. 

At the moment, the house has most of the windows in, and the front frame is on the door. Supposedly the brick guys will be working this week, as well as the electricians.  Fingers crossed!  We had a pretty big storm roll through on Saturday afternoon, so Chris and I stopped by the house on the way to our sushi date.  Chris ran in, and when he came out he told me that rain was still coming in in some places.  I asked what could be done, and he said that they need to reinforce the valleys.  Ok then! 

So, the kiddos and I continue to drive by the house each day to say our prayers for it, and blow our prayers from our palms toward heaven.  They don't let me miss a day, in fact.  The faith of Children.  Wow.